“Honey, have you linked your phone yet? The update goes into effect at noon.” Rachel Shommer couldn’t keep from smiling. She and nearly a billion other people had been waiting for the U-Phone XV to activate its instant posting feature for six months. She knew it was silly to get so excited over a social app, but this was like nothing before. It was revolutionary.
Her fiancé, Jeremy Nybor, nodded. “Yeah, it took me a while to get the neural link to work, but I got it.”
“My link worked immediately. I must have a bigger brain than you.” Rachel laughed at her own joke. “I can’t wait till instant posting begins.”
Jeremy smiled. “My first insta-post will be one saying how much I love you.” He gave her an affectionate peck on the lips and headed out the door of their tiny apartment. “I have to get to work. See you tonight.”
“Can’t wait. Love you.”
#
“Only five minutes until the update goes live.”
“I know,” commented Rachel’s friend, Sonya. The two were sharing a light lunch at a local coffee shop. “You’ve been counting down every five minutes since we got here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to see how it works, too. But it’s just a social app. People have been posting their thoughts and activities for years.”
“Just think, though,” said Rachel. “This app will take thoughts directly from the brain to the phone.” She realized that she was talking very quickly and took a deep breath to slow her rate of speech. “No more typing on tiny keyboards or having to deal with auto-correct.”
“I’m going to use it, too,” said Sonya. “I just don’t think its as big of a deal as you do.”
“I guess I’ve always been a bit of a technophile. I think this stuff is cool.”
Rachel and Sonya’s phones began to beep, counting down the last minute until the new app became operational. The same sound could be heard from nearly every booth in the establishment.
“Jeremy says his first post is going to be about how much he loves me…”
As the countdown concluded a differently pitched beep emanated from Rachel’s phone. “Oh, I have a post.” Rachel tapped the insta-post icon on her phone. In an instant, her expression changed from anticipation to anger.
SONYA GERMAIN THINKS RACHEL IS ANNOYING
“Oh, you do, do you?” huffed Rachel.
Sonya stammered as she looked at her phone. A confused and horrified expression appeared on her face. “I…I…”
Rachel’s phone beeped once more.
SONYA GERMAIN CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO CONVINCE THAT WACK-JOB RACHEL THAT SHE DOESN’T THINK OF HER AS ANNOYING
“What do you mean ‘Wack-job’?” Rachel jumped to her feet, toppling her chair. Fists clenched; she began to circle the table.
Sonya’s phone announced an incoming post. After reading the message she shouted at Rachel, “I hate you, too!”
Multiple beeps could be heard throughout the restaurant, as well as a great number of raised voices.
Before Rachel could continue berating her so-called friend, her phone beeped again. She took a deep breath and smiled. This insta-post was from Jeremy. She forgot about her disagreement with Sonya. This was the “I Love You” post she had been waiting for.
JEREMY NYBOR THINKS THAT SUSAN FROM ACCOUNTING IS WAY HOTTER THAN RACHEL
Rachel’s jaw dropped. Another beep drew her attention back to the phone which was being squeezed a little too tightly in her right hand.
JEREMY NYBOR DIDN’T INTEND TO SEND THAT LAST POST. HE THINKS HE LOVES RACHEL
“He thinks he loves me? Why I…”
JEREMY NYBOR ISN’T SURE HE WANTS A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP
The sound of shattering glass interrupted all the arguments in the coffee shop. The swinging door from the kitchen flew open and two waitresses tumbled into the dining area. They were pulling each other’s hair and cursing loudly.
Rachel stood and briskly left the restaurant.
#
Jeremy hurried down the stairs from his third-story office. He would have taken the elevator but a disturbance had blocked his path. His face still stung from where Susan had slapped him. That was the least of his worries, however. He had to find Rachel and apologize. Maybe a bouquet of roses would help. There was a florist around the corner.
He emerged from the office building into the sunlit street. On this day, the normally quiet boulevard was consumed by chaos. Jeremy had to step out of the way as a nearby shouting match transformed into a fist-fight. He was nearly toppled by a man who sprinted out the front door of an apartment complex. A potted plant fell from above and shattered at the man’s feet, missing him by mere inches. A few seconds later, Jeremy barely avoided a car as it jumped the sidewalk and smashed into a store-front. The two passengers of the vehicle continued to argue with each other even after the crash.
His phone beeped and he looked down at the newest message.
RACHEL GERMAIN IS WONDERING WHERE WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE TO GET A GUN
Jeremy’s jaw dropped open as he stared at his phone. Numerous attempts to turn off the app had failed. He should just toss the phone in the trash, but he had paid so much for it. “Who in their right mind could have ever thought this was a good idea?”
#
The line at the flower shop was extremely long, a seemingly endless chain of frustrated, confused, and angry faces. Raised voices filtered back from the front of the line. Jeremy considered abandoning his plan but knew that he was in deep trouble and that he had to do something to make amends.
When he finally reached the front of the queue he was greeted by a haggard middle-aged man. “What do you want?”
“I need a dozen red roses,” said Jeremy.
“Hah, we are all out of roses,” was the florist’s reply. He made no effort to hide his irritation. “We are also out of daisy’s, lilies, mums, and pretty much everything else.”
“Well, I have to get something,” pleaded Jeremy.
“I’ve got a small potted cactus I can let you have for seventy dollars.”
“That’s outrageous,” yelled Jeremy.
“Then don’t buy it.”
“No, I’ll take it, but you aren’t going to get a very good rating on Yelp.” Before Jeremy finished the sentence, the florist’s phone beeped.
#
RACHEL SHOMMER THINKS THAT MOM HAS RUINED HER LIFE, TOO
Rachel stared at the message she had just sent to her mother. That woman was so annoying.
RACHEL SHOMMER THINKS HER MOTHER IS ANNOYING
She was upset with her mother and Sonya, but her deepest, truest loathing was directed toward Jeremy. How could he be so insensitive? The wild-eyed fury which had prompted her to look for a weapon had abated slightly. She sat the kitchen table, fuming. Her right hand choking the neck of a half-empty bottle of wine.
#
It was not an easy trip across town to Jeremy and Rachel’s apartment. The neighborhood looked more like a war zone than an affluent suburban street. Shattered windows, abandoned cars, and other assorted pieces of debris were everywhere. Shouts and barrages of swear words could be heard from nearly every home.
Jeremy paused in front of the door. He took a deep breath, positioned the tiny ill-looking cactus in front of himself, and pushed the door inward. A bottle exploded against the wall dangerously close to his head.
“Rachel, let me explain,” he began but stopped and turned his head as a frying pan came hurtling toward him. The skillet connected painfully with the back of his head. He staggered but managed to continue standing.
Jeremy’s phone beeped, but he didn’t have to look at the insta-post to know what it said. Rachel was more than willing to share the message verbally.
“You rotten, no good bas . . .”
A different tone emerged from both their phones in unison. Rachel stopped in mid-barrage and looked down at her phone. “They are downloading some sort of patch to the Insta-post program.” Her attention turned back to Jeremy who was cringing in the corner, rubbing the expanding bruise on the back of his head. “How could you . . .”
Again, her tirade was interrupted by the phones. An automated voice counted down the final five seconds until the patch, “Five . . . Four . . . Three . . . Two . . . One”
Rachel and Jeremy stared at each other, confused looks on their faces.
“How did I get here?” asked Rachel. “I was at lunch with Sonya.”
“This is so weird, dear. I was at work. How’d I get this bump on the back of my head?”
The couple looked at the broken shards of glass and wine-stained floor.
After a moment of silence, Rachel sauntered toward her fiancé. “Well, I am waiting for that first insta-post.”
Jeremy glanced at his phone and recoiled slightly when he was a message flashing on the screen.
JEREMY NYBOR IS UNCERTAIN HE TRULY LOVES RACHEL SHOMMER
To his great relief, two small icons appeared below the message. One said SEND and the other ABORT. He poked the ABORT button and began concentrating with all his internal focus on the phrase “I Love you.”
—
James Rumpel is a retired high school math teacher who has greatly enjoyed using his newfound additional free time to rekindle his love for science fiction and the written word.
Hilarious. Nice ending.